5:30 am

Found this on my computer. Dont know when exactly and why I wrote it, but I like it, for some odd reason.
So here it is:

5:30 am
The clock synchronises inside with the dripping water outside,
Some voices murmur in the dark,
A lone rickshaw speeds of into the distance
and I go miles and centuries back and forth in my room ,
in the company of books.

It's strange this feeling,
of wakeful sleepiness.
There's a certain sense of urgency to stay awake,
Yet there's no pressing deadline.

It's just that.
The silence of the night,
the quiet scratch of pen on paper
and the hum of the refrigerator.

Yes it's time.

Yes it's time.
It's time to act, time to stand up, stand out, time to grieve, to forgive but not forget. Yes it's time, so they say.

There is a part of me that has just been wishing this away. Of course I've been shocked and struck by all the recent events, but I've also been equally affected by what has happened after.

Supposed peace marches that are Anti Pakistan,a new faith in religion,prayer, no solace and a million questions.
How long will we go on asking the same questions? Why has this happened to us? Will my city ever be the same again? Of course it will,I tell myself, but I know that I wont.

Whether we like it or not , a plan and scheme hatched far far away from home by people we don't know has changed the way we see things.

So many people have lost their lives.So many innocent victims.Of a hate game.
While talking to a friend about the media coverage of all of this, he said ,"They keep using the word dead.It's so harsh" I don't think they could used any other word to convey the real meaning of the nature of these deaths.

I don't know what to do, how these prayer meetings will help, except allow us to be part of something and give us a sense of unity.
I don't know if our government will change, people will change , or the city will change and if that happens, I don't even know how.

Ive been wanting to avoid this as each time I think of it, my brain goes into overdrive,my eyes well up and I feel utterly useless.

Yes I have attended meetings and peace talks, prayed and sung the national anthem,but this feeling just wont go away. Theres a gaping hole inside of me, that refuses to heal.It will heal with action, it will heal with time, is what I hear.
But should I want it to heal? Shouldn't I keep this wound fresh to keep this
spirit alive? I think we do need time and we do need a vent.

I try to read beauty magazines and listen to Bob Marley singing "Every lil thing is gonna be alright", but it doesn't help. Ignoring it is not the answer.
A prayer doesn't give me solace.
I must act. It seems to be the only thing there is to do, and confront this head on.
Speak to people, listen to their experiences,spread love, vote ,act and discuss this until I'm blue in the face.

This is my mourning
This, I hope, will be my solace.

May their souls Rest in peace.